About Me

My photo
Ridgewood, New York, United States

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

tin hats love to melt on the surface of the sun

I'd never experienced rejection like this. For years I had simply loved the person I was with to the fullest extent of my capabilities, years of fidelity and rejection of my ego, my desires. Where childhood daydreams kept me locked away day after day, isolated, rejecting those around me for lacking everything I needed. As an adult it is painfully clear that my love will never be equally exchanged and loneliness seems to be the one constant. However, I still wake up with an intense need to give; time, care, food, warmth, touch, conversation.

So yes I love all the people that love me. But most of all I love all the people and things that hurt me and make me question and change me and shake me out of my occasional stupors.

Rejection, not a reverse ejection, a non-erection, going in the wrong direction, with perfect diction I was told that there was no love for me inside of him for him to share meant to use up the last drops of emotion at the bottom of his heart's well. He could possibly die if he loved me. He could wither away into dust from past sorrows and hate that had dried up all of his tears.

perfection like a soft palm on my face and a walk through the land that cradles me.
time spent together laughing and holding your hand baking you a pie. caressing my hair and the natural stares in my direction.

Yes, its deep out there, deep enough to get us through, to satisfy our thirst and cleanse our souls and wash away our fears. But you quenched me when I cried out, the only way you could. Selfishly though, for both of us our meeting hearts don't beat like they used to anymore.

No comments: